To Danaiah Elaine: A Eulogy for Our Angel

It breaks my heart

Little one,

that I will never see

you open those baby eyes

to the wonders

of this world;

It breaks my heart

Little one,

that I will never hear

a single coo or gurgle

or a laugh

sound from your baby lips;

It breaks my heart

Little one,

that I will never  feel

your tiny arms

around my neck

or your soft lips

smacking baby kisses

on my cheeks.

And most of all

Little angel,

It breaks me

into a million pieces

to know

that I will never

have memories of you

save for one:

You

Cradled amongst flowers

and candles

so cherubic, so silent,

so cold

in Death...

and so my heart

breaks,

breaks,

breaks

for you

Dearest one.

  

Life Gets in the Way of Art

"Life get's in the way of art," says the book Queen of Dreams, and let me just say I couldn't agree more.
It happens to me all the time, at the most inconvenient situations and places; and it just frustrates the hell out of me.

The usual scenario is this: I would be in the middle of a lecture or discussion in class and then suddenly, I'll get that eureka-moment and a brilliant artsy idea will pop into my head. Usually, it's a verse or a line to what I feel will be another beautiful poem; sometimes it's a scenario in a short story that has been fermenting in my head for days; or there are also times when it's a new sketching or painting technique that I think will do wonders for my portraits and landscapes. The same thing will also happen to me when I'm doing something so important that procrastinating will definitely result to a disaster e.g. when I'm working on things that are under tight time constraint such as computing of grades or writing lesson plans.
All I want to do in times like these is to sit down and get the brilliant artsy idea into action. But then the thing is I can't and that just frustrates me to no end. It festers in my mind and I become terribly irritable and annoyed and unbearable. Pent-up creativity is just too much, you know. It longs to be freed, to be set into motion, to be released. Any artistic soul out there will probably relate to what I'm saying.
Maybe it's a trick of the universe or maybe the Fates think it amusing to watch me struggle against doing what I need to do and doing what I want. Ha, ha, Fates, very funny...of course you know I'll always do my obligations first; of course you know I have a strong sense of duty despite my usual fickle attitude. But no, you don't care, you find it terribly amusing to keep breaking my resolve and testing how long I'd last.
But then again, here's the thing: even if life gets in the way of art, I will not let life smother away my art. Never, never, never. Because one thing's for sure, my life will simply be unbearable without art.

The Art of Eating Out Alone

Last Saturday, on a sudden whim, I headed out to one of my dining-out haunts to eat a solitary lunch. I breezed through the door, sat down on a table for two and ordered food. While waiting for the sizzling sisig plate and chocolate pudding, I whipped out a Nicholas Sparks novel and began to read.
That was when I noticed some of the people glancing at me in what seemed to be curious looks.
Ahh, I got it right away. They were looking at me because I was there sitting there, so obviously ALONE.
But come on, it's no big deal really, the dining out alone experience. Still, so many people are mortified at the mere thought of doing it. My friend says he would never dine out alone because he feels like it makes him look pathetic. Others are afraid to give off the impression that they are "forever alone".
What the heck.

I like eating out with friends and family like the next average person but I have no problem eating alone as well. There is something charmingly meditative about it. When I eat alone, I find myself paying more attention to my food. When I'm eating with friends, I'm more intent on the conversation so I'm not really putting too much thought on what I'm chewing and drinking. Eating alone removes all those distractions and you get more thoughtfully aware of the food in front of you. Like last Saturday, for the first time I noticed certain things about the sizzling plate that I never thought of before: considering how often I've ordered the said dish before (but I was always with friends so I was distracted).
Now if you are still kinda nervous about dining out alone here are some useful things that might help you try the experience out:

• Do your best to look confident. Don't look like a martyr, clumping down to a solitary table and pathetically sighing all over the menu as the waiter hands it to you. Be good-natured about it.
• Stop looking around to check if people are watching you. Of course, they will still look at you. But hey, what's the big deal? Let them. Because sooner or later, when they notice that you don't look that "pathetic" as they initially thought you were (damn their narrow-minded souls), then they'll lay off and start minding their own businesses again.
• If you feel uncomfortable without anybody to converse to, bring a book or a magazine to read. If you're not the reader-type, well bring a netbook or laptop computer! After all, many establishments now boast of free wi-fi for the customers. Browse through the net and such. Have fun!

Dining out alone is not pathetic, well as long as the one doing so will not do anything to make him/her pathetic. So why don't you take that solitary meal in your favorite restaurant some time?

A 90's Kid's TV Show List I

As a kid growing up in the 90's, the television was the most high-tech source of entertainment. Thank God for cable, lol. And though I can honestly say that the shows that cater to the younger generation nowadays are way more sophisticated compared to those shown during my time, I can't help but wax sentimental and declare that "our" TV shows back then are cooler still...well for me at least. Anyway, here's a list of TV shows I truly enjoyed way back when.

The Secret World of Alex Mack

Teen girl gets drenched with a weird chemical goo and ta-dahh, she gets powers! Alex Mack could shoot electricity out of her fingertips, move things with her mind and dissolve into a silver puddle. I can't remember the exact plot-lines anymore but I'm guessing (from vague memory) that the entire series revolved around her dealing with her new-found powers and living the life of a teen at the same time. Anyhow, Larissa Oleynik who played the lead character, was like the coolest girl for me round that time.

Hey, Arnold!

Never mind that Arnold possessed a head that resembled a football. I liked Arnold because he was an optimistic idealist and dreamer. The series pretty much revolved around the life of this nine-year-old and his friends as they go through their day-to-day adventures and misadventures in their big-city neighborhood. Sounds boring? Nahh. In one way or another, kids found a character they could  identify with from Arnold and his friends. Many of the adult characters are realistically familiar as well and you can easily say "hey, she's just like my neighbor!" or something of that sort. And more than anything else, kids get to learn some of life's lessons along the way since Arnold is such a moral compass.

Sabrina the Teenage Witch

Way, way before the Golden Trio of Harry Potter, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger came to be, there was Sabrina Spellman. She learned about her witch status upon her 16th birthday and unfortunately for her, no Hogwarts letter came to rescue her from living the double life of a Muggle. The only mentors she had in mastering her magic were her two 500-year-old witch aunts (yeah, that old though it never showed. Witches have their ways after all) and a talking cat, Salem. All throughout the series, Sabrina had to deal with magical mishaps, school misadventures and numerous love interests.

Are You Afraid of the Dark?

I'm not really a fan of horror shows or movies, but this series always intrigued me that I end up watching it all the same. Of course it helped that the show usually aired in broad daylight here in the Philippines so that was a consolation. However, it was still eerie, especially for a person with an overly-active imagination like me. Anyway, the series revolves around The Midnight Society, a group of teenagers who would meet once a week in a secret location in the woods and tell ghostly horror stories and this is where the episodes usually stem out from.

Arthur

Ok, so technically, Arthur and his friends are animals: Arthur Read himself is an aardvark (Huhh? When I was a kid, I thought he was a mouse, lol), his best friend Buster is a rabbit and so on and so forth. But they live and interact like humans. Just like Hey Arnold! the episodes revolve around family and friends with much  emphasis on issues that affect kids...so yes, the series, just like the books, were very much educational. The good thing is that, it was educational but not preachy.


  
 

And so I'm Weird: That's None of your Business

I like old books. The older the better. I get a thrill of seeing and smelling those characteristic yellowing pages. They are pieces of history itself. They are memories, passed on from one reader to another.

I think writing letters is a lost art and that's a terrible shame. Writing letters is wonderfully thoughtful and receiving some is the best. It reflects the depth of a relationship; that you are actually willing to invest time and effort in writing (yes, writing and not typing) your thoughts on a piece of paper for somebody.

Libraries are sanctuaries. But it's sad that many, especially young people, don't think so much of them now. There was a time when people go to libraries to actually read. Now I don't know. Most people I encounter in libraries nowadays are just in to hang out with their friends and take advantage of the coolness of the air conditioner.

I like things that are Korean and Japanese. And no, not because I just jumped into the bandwagon of the Halyu or Korean Wave or because I enjoy anime. Even before the Korean Wave crashed down on the world, I already liked Korean culture. Same for Japanese. I think they are very cultured, in the sense that they value their traditions and customs and breeze through the innovations of modernity at the same time.


Coffee and tea are staple beverages in my life. Oh yes, I get that "coffee/tea is old people's drink" comment all the time but so what? Coffee, I need to perk me up. Thus it's a must-have for hectic days and rainy afternoons to get all that energy brewing up inside my body. Tea, for meditative moments when I need to slow down. Anyhow, both are perfect especially when I'm writing.

 And all of these make me weird to other people. Although that's really none of their business, you know.